Alien Species (1996)

Plot Outline: Five miles below the Earth's surface, a group of scientists are working on a series of DNA experiments which could change the world. But one of the scientists has his own agenda and creates a near-immortal organism which can regenerate instantly. With the life support systems going to shut down in five hours, the scientists face a race against time to stop the creature before they escape.

The Review: Take out any budget that Alien had. Stick in a few females who like getting their kit off in low-grade erotica. Trail through a fancy dress shop's clearout costumes. And what do you get: Alien Species, possibly one of the most embarrassing excuses for cinema I think I've ever sat through. There is Maria Ford, a mighty fine looking woman who has starred in numerous trashy films and erotica during her career, starring as a scientist! Yeah if I can grasp that fact then one of her assistants is the even-bigger-chested Lisa Boyle, also noted for getting her kit off, which she does in many gratuitous scenes in this flick. Hell if I wanted to see them both get naked (and a bit more hardcore too) I'd check out some of their low-rent porn, instead of having to sit through this to catch a shower scene. They are the film's only saving graces because the rest of the cast sucks (including two guys with long hair who look like 80s rockers) and there is zero budget so the creature is only briefly glimpsed and when you do see it, it looks like a shaggy dog. How am I supposed to be In the film's most goofy moment (and believe me there are plenty) the first victim of the creature endures a "chest-burster" only instead of the creature popping through his chest, it slips quietly out of his back and onto the table, no doubt to avoid showing any blood or monster.

Final Verdict: Watch Alien if you want to see how this type of film is done. Watch porn if you want to see Lisa and Maria getting naked (and believe me, after seeing them in this film, you'll want to see more!). And throw any copies of this film in the bin so that we can erase it from history.

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