Plot
A group of tourists take a boat ride
into the haunted Louisiana bayous where they learn of the terrifying tale of
local legend Victor Crowley, a hideously disfigured boy who was accidentally
killed by his father whilst he was trying to save him from a fire. Unfortunately
the weather takes a turn for the worst and the boat ends up sinking, stranding
the tourists in the middle of the swamps where the legend of Victor Crowley
comes to life in horrific fashion.
Review
I like the tag line for this film. "It's
not a remake. It's not a sequel. And it's not based on a Japanese one." When you
take a step back and look at the horror market nowadays, you'll realise just how
true that statement is. If Hollywood isn't butchering a classic from twenty
years ago, it's putting it's own ridiculous spin on Japanese blockbusters or
simply cashing in on a successful franchise. Having said that, Hatchet
isn't exactly Mr Originality when it comes to films and perhaps a more fitting
tag line underneath would have been "but we're still making the slasher film as
they have always been made." That means buckets of blood, lots of obnoxious
characters, some remote location and a killer who isn't just a guy in a mask.
Hatchet works very well for the most part, it's only real problems being the
lack of originality, the "been there, seen that" feeling you get once the blood
starts flying and the fan boy approach that director Adam Green takes. Instead
of making his own film, it looks like he is too happy making nerds everywhere
chuckle at the sight of a famous genre actor walking on set.
Clearly made with a possible franchise in mind, Victor Crowley is a rather
uninspired creation. The big trio of slashers had their own little quirks to
make them stand out but this guy just looks like he walked off the set of
Wrong Turn. I can't see him catching on very quickly simply for the fact
he's so generic. He's still a big guy and you wouldn't mess with him. It's a
pity he isn't on screen a bit earlier on as it takes ages for the tourists to
actually get to the swamp and get lost. Unfortunately in this day and age of
"torture porn" films, the traditional slasher film has lost a bit of it's edge
and audiences are on longer satisfied with a deformed guy hacking teenagers up
with an axe. Thankfully there are some sick kills in this film to keep gore
hounds happy. In
one particularly memorable moment, Crowley rips a victim's head off from her jaw
upwards with his bare hands. The eternal teenager in me cried out "oooo" when it
happened and I had to rewind and watch again, it was that good. The filmmakers
claim that no CGI effects were used and it shows. All of the blood and guts are
real and every decapitation and mutilation is done with the skill, craft and
sheer imagination of a bunch of guys plying their craft like it was their
swansong. John Carl Buechler should stick to what he does best as opposed to
directing dreck like The Eden Formula.
Genre fans will no doubt get
their kicks out of seeing some infamous genre actors have small roles in this
film.
Robert Englund pops up before the credits have even rolled
and cashes in the easiest pay cheque he's probably ever had. Tony Todd has a
"blink and you'll miss him" cameo but even if your eyes are shut, you could
still recognise him by his amazing voice. Kane Hodder fares a lot better as he
plays both Victor Crawley and his father in flashbacks. Hodder was the best
Jason by a long way and he still has the imposing figure to make such a
nerve-wracking sight when wielding a power tool! As for the rest of the cast,
well the sooner they all get hacked up, the better. The script does a great job
of making everyone to be obnoxious, whiny or bitchy or have some character trait
that means they're going to die.
Verdict
Hatchet clearly thinks that it's
punching above it's weight with the self-glorifying tag lines, genre actor
cameos and buckets of blood. But beneath that gloss, there is little else to
this rather generic slasher. It's entertaining but only because it's rare to see
such a gory slasher film made nowadays. It's weird to think that if this had
have been in the 80s, it probably would have got lost in the shuffle amongst the
rest. But being made in 2006 has meant it's getting proclaimed as the best
slasher since the 80s. Quite ironic I think.
