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Howling VII: Mystery Woman
(1995) (aka
Howling VII: New Moon Rising)
Plot
A number of vicious murders take place
in a small Californian town not long after a mysterious stranger has
arrived. The local detective talks with the local priest who reveals that
the killer is in fact a werewolf. Is the stranger in town all he is cracked
up to be or is someone else out there using him as a scapegoat?
Review
Who gives a f**k! This pathetic series
has provided so little in the way of entertainment or decent filmmaking that
I've gone beyond caring for plots. I'm only watching them because I'm a
completist and need to watch all of the films in a series just so I can say
I've seen them all. As inept as some of the previous films were, this one is
right up there (or should that be down there) with the worst - scratch that,
it is the worst and by a long, long, long way. I don't know where to start.
As with most of the films in this series, the fact it has Howling in
the title is little indication that it's a direct sequel, more so a werewolf
flick with that title added on. Having said that, director (and lead actor)
Clive Turner has seen fit to carve up the previous films and rewrite
history. He does manage to link this one with the others but in rather
bizarre and pointless ways, including referring to a circus which was in
town a while ago (from Howling VI: The Freaks) and even using a scene
with character from Howling IV: The Original Nightmare having a phone
conversation with one of this film's main characters. I don't know why I'm
being too harsh on it to be honest, it's actually quite ingenious how all of
the little bits have been connected together to try and connect all of the
films in one. It just ends up confusing the hell out of the plot as
characters are used and events happen that only happen because footage is
being reused. He has tried to wrap too much up from the previous films when
he should have kept it as a minimal as possible. It really makes no
difference though because the film blows and when it's trump card is lifting
scenes from slightly-better-but-still-shit films, you're in trouble.
Turner's
most blatant rewrite of history is when he has the scary-looking priest
constantly babble on about a werewolf sighting in a castle in Hungary.
Footage from Howling V: The Rebirth is shown which, ironically
enough, starred Clive Turner as a different character. But not anymore, now
his character is the same one, travelling from place to place fighting
werewolves or turning into one (see the film wants to make you think he is
the werewolf but this recap scene just kills that notion).
Right from the opening moments of a bunch of cops standing around a
body, each of them trying to outdo the previous one in terms of exclamations
("Jesus Christ" is followed by "Holy Shit" and then "Mother of God"), you
know this film is going to blow. Big montages of cars and bikes moving
around the town are shown for the titles. I also hope you like country music
and line dancing because there's way too much of it in here. I had to check
the DVD cover to make sure I'd picked up a horror film and not one of those
"Learn To Line Dance." DVDs. It's a gruelling combination of bad music and
even more horrible dancing. Time seems to stop as characters have
conversations with each, with day and night happening in other scenes (the
priest and detective seem to talk to each for the entire duration of the
film whilst everyone else gets on with their lives). The conversations suck
too because not only is this film completely jokey and throwaway, there's
also no actors! All of the people use their real names and seem to play the
roles they actually work in real life in the town. It tells because they
can't emote to save their lives. Everything is drawn out in a monotonous,
reading-the-autocue style of acting.
In case you've forgotten this is actually a werewolf. In the midst of this
juxtaposition of country music, line dancing, endless clips of bikes,
confusing story and locals playing themselves, there is actually a werewolf
story. There are a few kills and the werewolf gets a Predator-esque
POV. But you never see it or even glimpse it until the final two minutes
when there is a terribly executed transformation (watch as the curtains
around the person pixilate as well thanks to the crappy computer effects)
and a woman bursts through a door wearing a Halloween costume.
Verdict
At least Turner finally finished
off the Howling series with this mercy killing of a movie, which
injected a lethal dose of poison into the flagging franchise. Over ten years
later and there's no sign of this series resurfacing. Pray for small mercies
whilst you can! |
