976-EVIL (1989)

	Director: Robert Englund
	Starring: Stephen Geoffreys, Patrick O'Bryan, Jim Metzler, Sandy Dennis
	Run Time: 105 mins
	Certificate: 18
	Rating:

Plot
Leonard, a rebellious teenager, lives with his religious and domineering aunt. But he finds a card with a 976 horoscope number that gives him advice on how to avoid being run over in the street. But when the card falls into the possession of his aunt's wimpy son, Hoax, he uses it to extract his revenge on the bullies who picked on him at school and tries to win the girl of his dreams.

Review
Robert Englund's directorial debut is a pretty bog-standard mess of a horror film which doesn't quite know what it wants to be. On one hand you have a Nightmare on Elm Street style of horror film with fantasy and reality seemingly coming together and not knowing which is which at times. But on the other hand you have a straightforward 80s revenge slasher with an unlikely character taking revenge on someone for past mis-deeds.

The concept of the film is pretty ridiculous and it is never fully explained in the film, leaving the viewer wondering just what the hell the 976 number was all about. Plot holes are about the size of the Grand Canyon at times. I guess it doesn't really matter in the eventual flow of the film because nerds and outcasts in these films get horribly gory revenges so that's where the fun should begin. Only it doesn't really begin. There's not a lot of gore on display and the revenge part of the film isn't exciting or scary in the slightest. Englund chooses to shoot a lot of the film in poorly lit and dark areas too so for quite a lot of the time, it's very hard to see what is going on. The ending also sucks - it's a mess of special effects, blue screens and over-acting.

Speaking of which, that is also pretty horrid too. Stephen Geoffreys played the annoying friend in Fright Night and he is almost as unbearable here. I think it's just his voice which annoys the hell out of me but he looks like a weasel too. Even when he turns into an evil demon, you can't take him seriously enough to be going around killing people. Patrick O'Bryan had the whole Kevin Dillon from The Blob thing going on which bombs horribly as the rebellious hero. And the rest of the cast makes for an unappealing time (if only Englund had chosen to act instead of direct!). The film is peppered with Freddy Kruger-esque one liners which don't work at all when the cast are this bad.

Some interesting notes about this film - it was Brian Helgeland's first script and he'd go on to write the likes of L.A. Confidential. Robert Picardo, more famous for his regular role in Star Trek: Voyager as the holographic doctor, makes an appearance here.

Verdict
Sorry Robert but although I think you're an effective actor in this genre, your directorial debut effort blows big time. 976-Evil is one wrong number that you need to block if it calls you in future!