Plot
A group of people attend an
ecological conference at a newly built conference centre where the guests
realise that there is black slime oozing from the taps instead of water. This
black slime is an evil toxic agent which makes the guests biggest fears become
reality and they begin to die as a result. The greedy hotel manager knows how
financially important this conference is to his hotel and begins to cover-up the
events. But a priest staying at the hotel realises that something is up and
begins to investigate. He eventually uncovers a sinister organism in the sewers
that preys on human fears and use the slime to lure people to their deaths.
Review
That's about as good as I'll be able to explain the
story because it's pretty much non-existent. I thought that this was going to be
some sort of The Blob style creature feature. After all, it's a Sci-Fi
Channel original and we know their track record of pilfering monster flicks of
the past. It's actually nice to see them do a sci-fi/horror film without a giant
snake, giant crocodile, giant prehistoric monster, killer shark or any of the
usual suspects that they tend to trot out. Although in many respects, I wished
they had have done because, despite featuring something other than your
flesh-and-blood monster, Something Beneath ends up in exactly the same
dead end as it's fellow TV films.
I'd like to state that at no point in proceedings
does the gooey substance grab some chick like it does on the front cover. Nor
does the hand reaching out of the reservoir on the back cover make an
appearance. You can understand why memories of The Blob came flooding
back when I saw those images. The slime does ooze around the screen a lot and
does a lot of dripping and running along tiles and porcelain but that's hardly
pant-wettingly scary stuff is it? The slime starts off rather interesting as a
monster when you think it's going to do what the front cover promises but once
it's explained as some new species which can think for itself it loses any sort
of fear factor it had (it didn't have a fear factor to begin with, it just
seemed like a good line to use). The slime kills people by forcing it's victims
to hallucinate and think that they are confronting whatever their worst fear is.
So they obviously came up with people that have the single worst fears in the
world to avoid showing anything remotely exciting or expensive. If you're scared
of a flying walrus which shoots out fire breath and commands an army of ravenous
pigeons, then you wouldn't be allowed into this hotel. A man is chased by a
bulldozer on a construction site in the opening scene - this is the extent of
the fears that the characters have here. Things that would have been on set
anyway and they make use of them! Apart from said bulldozer chase and eventual
decapitation (come on, it's the opening scene and these films always open with a
bang), there's little gore to be had in the film as most of the deaths take
place off screen. You see not only does the slime make it's victims imagine they
are facing their fears, the film makes it's audience imagine that there's a lot
more going on than there actually is.
Something Beneath takes a while to get going and even then it never
really gets into any sort of gear. It only picks up in the final third when a
group of people finally head down into the sewers to confront the slime
creature, which has now grown itself a head and tentacles and is brought to
unrealistic life by some shoddy CGI work. Cue the obligatory climactic tussle
between good and evil which culminates in possibly the worst way to kill off a
monster in many a year. Something Beneath has also
got Hercules himself, Kevin Sorbo, as a priest! What sort of moronic
casting director made that decision? I'm not knocking Sorbo as he's the best
thing in here by a mile, giving us character a lot of depth, warmth and
likeability. He's turned into a reliable hand in TV movies and is coming along
reasonably well as an actor. But a 6' 3" mountain of a man as a priest? I'm not
too sure that casting a PRIEST as the MALE ROMANTIC LOVE INTEREST in a horror
film was such a good idea either. Apart from an irritating Paris Hilton wannabe,
the cast and characters aren't exactly bottom grade junk. It's a pity that there
just do little other than talk about what is going on and then do a lot of
wandering around the hotel looking for clues.
Verdict
Something Beneath is a below
mediocre TV movie which is almost total rubbish if it hadn't been for Kevin
Sorbo. Not content with saving the lives of damsels in distress and desperate
villagers in Hercules, he's now saving dire TV movies just by starring in
them. However unless you have a desperate urge to watch every film he's in or
have a crush on him, then go and get your gooey, slimy creature feature frights
from somewhere else.
