Super Shark (2011)

Super Shark (2011)

That’s one big ass shark!

An offshore drilling accident triggers the release of a giant prehistoric shark which can crawl on land or fly and proceeds to start terrorising the nearby community. Marine biologist Kat Carmichael is called in to investigate but runs into problems in the shape of oil executive Mr Wade.

 

I guess it’s the trend nowadays for monster movies to try and go more over-the-top than the last one. Since The Asylum’s terribly over-hyped snooze-fest Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus set the bar for outlandish physics-defying claptrap, it seems that every film made since featuring aquatic terrors has to try and outdo it in terms of ludicrousness and unbelievability. From Sharktopus featuring a shark-octopus hybrid which can walk on land to Mega Piranha with flying piranha fish taking out helicopters, sharks with two heads in 2-Headed Shark Attack and finally Sand Sharks with sharks than can ‘swim’ in sand, there seems to be no stopping this new wave of eye-rolling monotony. Super Shark isn’t going to buck that trend any time soon, rummaging through the bin and taking a page out of the nonsense book by having a mutant shark that can both fly and walk on land!

It’s quite hard to go into a film called Super Shark and not be surprised that it isn’t anything more than a complete turd. Story and common sense matters little to a film like this. It’s a film designed to showcase some bonkers set pieces featuring a shark that can walk on land and that’s primarily it. Human characters are there just to move along the plot until the next shark moment. Whatever cool ideas the writers thought they could get away, they throw in here without concern for how bizarre they are. Ever wanted to see a giant CGI walking shark battle a walking CGI tank on a sunny beach? Well here you are in all of its cartoon CGI glory. Seriously, the effects in this film are ridiculous. The shark has the usual CGI shark perma-grin slapped on its face and seems to be impervious to bullets (either that or the marksman in the tank was a lousy shot). Someone give me an animatronic or even rubber shark like the good old days – but I guess that would be considered boring now.

Part of the problem in this cycle of films, embodied by Super Shark, is that they have to outdo each other for fear that they’ll come off dull and “not as good as Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus.” So with the barrage of moronic set pieces comes a whole host of silly sub-plots and a sardonic script to keep the audience bombarded with as much inane nonsense as possible. There are a couple of sub-plots here which are all just treading water until the characters are fed to the shark at various points. Take for example the three lifeguards introduced at the beginning of the film. Possibly coming off as main characters, they are given a fair share of the screen time and a silly love-triangle plot before the shark has its way with them pretty soon after. It was a dead end sub-plot but given way too much time before proving itself to be a total waste. The script also litters the film with ridiculous dialogue that people can use as soundbytes because the writers know that it’s the only hope they have of getting people to remember it. You can bet your life that someone will call it “super shark” at some point.

Low budget exploitation horror veteran Fred Olen Ray is at the helm for this one and despite mocking some of his previous efforts, how I yearn for the cheap splatter effects and gratuitous nudity of some of his 90s outings. This is Olen Ray at his most neutered and puerile, barely raising a titter with plenty of bikini bimbos and having to endure the awfulness of the CGI shark during the set pieces. Where are the centrefolds he used to cast and then get them naked? Where are the cheap homemade blood patches and bargain basement limbs?

As is the case with these Sy-Fy/Asylum-esque flicks, there are one or two low rent actors taking the main parts for some form of name recognition. Sy-Fy stalwart John Schneider just can’t play a decent bad guy to save his life and his slimy oil executive character doesn’t even manage to raise a few pantomime boos. At least Sarah Lieving still looks as good as she did in Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus, filling out one of the aforementioned bikinis with aplomb. Couldn’t tell you anything about her character but she looked good doing whatever she was supposed to be doing.

 

Super Shark is yet another lame, one-trick watered down monster movie where the novelty value of the creature-of-the-moment soon outstays its welcome after the first sighting and then proceeds to go from idiotic set piece to the next. This genre has quite literally ‘jumped the shark’ now. Until next month at least and the next one of these films off the conveyor belt….

 

 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

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