Tag 1970s

Vampire Lovers, The (1970)

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

Beautiful temptress …… or Bloodthirsty monster?

A countess and her daughter attend a ball held by General Spielsdorf. The countess is called away after the death of a friend and her daughter, Marcilla, is allowed to stay with the General and his daughter until she returns. Soon afterwards, the General’s daughter starts to suffer from nightmares, growing weaker by the day and eventually dying from vampire bites. Marcilla disappears and lodges in with Roger Morton and his daughter. Soon the same mysterious illness begins to strike Morton’s daughter, Emma. It turns out that Marcilla is actually Carmilla, a descendant of the Karnstein vampire clan, who have returned to quench their thirst for blood.

 

The Vampire Lovers was made at a time of change for Hammer. New faces were being brought in behind-the-scenes to replace the established old guard and with them came a new wave of horror films, more commercially-aware and which slowly ditched the restrained Gothic pieces of old, replacing them with heaving and more often than not exposed bosoms and greater quantities of bright red blood. The exploitative change in direction was a response to the more shocking European horrors that were beginning to emerge and many consider this the beginning of the end for the studio, which wouldn’t live to see out the rest of the decade. It was ironic that the studio which originally pushed the boundaries of the genre further than they had ever gone in the late 50s and early 60s was now being left behind and made to look out-dated just as they had done to their rivals. That being said, it’s during this period that Hammer produced some of their most interesting work. Proving that there was life in the vampire sub-genre away from Dracula, Hammer loosely adapted the 1872 novel Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu (a novel which pre-dates Bram Stoker’s Dracula by some time) and managed to milk it into a trilogy. The Vampire Lovers is the first of this bold new wave of Hammer films, sleazier and more gratuitous than ever before.

All I can say is…..phew! I needed a cold shower after this one. The Vampire Lovers is arguably the steamiest film Hammer ever produced. Compare the sexually-deviant vampires in this one with Christopher Lee’s now-stuffy (at the time) Dracula and the difference in tone is amazing within the space of a few years. Though the exploitative elements look tame by today’s standards, I can only imagine the outcry at such explicit sights of lesbian vampires back in the 70s. Nubile, innocent young women wear flimsy nightgowns, take them off for the camera and cavort and fondle each other in vampiric desire. At times the lesbian elements seem to overwhelm the film and with all of the cheap titillation, the viewer can forget that there is meant to be a serious horror film in here somewhere.

The subject matter lends itself to these exploitative elements but make no mistake about it, this is a Hammer film and their visual prowess was still here in force: mysterious mountain-top castles, fog-shrouded cemeteries, creaky mansions and superstitious villages. Costumes are bang on the money for the time period being portrayed and the film still has that Gothic gloss in everything it portrays. It’s just that this time there’s a whole load of saucy lesbianism running rampant throughout! The Technicolour horror elements are still as charming as ever, with fake fangs, neck bites and a rather weak nightmare sequence clearly stamping the date on the proceedings. But there are also a couple of great beheadings and a nasty staking too for good measure, which upped the ante for what the studio usually got away with.

The Vampire Lovers also introduces the horror world to Ingrid Pitt, who would go on to become one of the genre’s most noted actresses with the brief number of appearances she made in the genre. Ms Pitt’s thick Polish accent gives her character a nice exotic European charm to add to the Gothic vibe of the film and she manages to convey predatory evil and being sympathetically sexy at the same time. It’s her other, ahem, attributes that the film makes best use of it. There’s no denying that the late Ms Pitt had an amazing body and the film is happy to show it off at every opportunity. But the character is a tragic one, wanting to be with her young girl lover forever, only to give in to her primal urges and destroy that things she craves the most – love. Pitt’s sad dialogue after she has witnessed the funeral cortege pass by is as good as anything Hammer ever put to the screen.

All-round acting legend Peter Cushing gets top billing but his time was passing for Hammer and his role is more secondary than anything. Cushing is still on top vampire slaying form when he does show up, showing that he’s lost none of his touch when it comes to staking or beheading the creatures of the night. He’s just grossly underused and bookended into the prologue and finale, with little to do in between. Also of mention is the pretty and chaste Madeline Smith, who plays one of the objects of Marcilla’s affections. Smith has this ridiculous English rose natural beauty and quickly became one of my favourite Hammer girls in her few appearances with the studio.

 

The Vampire Lovers is one of Hammer’s most daring films and definitely their most sensual and erotic work, infecting the narrative with an almost dream-like quality. Though the frequently-naked ladies detract from the more serious moments, there is no question that the well-developed characters and progressive themes for the time (a lesbian vampire, there’s one for the feminists!) make this Gothic horror at its finest.

 

 ★★★★★★★★☆☆ 

 

 

Mountain of the Cannibal God (1978)

Mountain of the Cannibal God (1978)

When the price of lust is death!

Susan Stevenson and her brother fly to New Guinea in search of her missing husband and enlist the services of an anthropologist to guide them into the dense rain forest. They set off into the jungle but find out that he was captured by a cannibal tribe and that the same fate awaits them.

 

Ah the Italian exploitation cannibal sub-genre. Such an trashy, graphic and repulsive genre that it’s even hard to want to call them films sometimes because they are so depraved and perverse – I mean who in their right mind comes up with these ideas? They went to lengths that no other films dared to go out of decency and, rightfully as was the case in a few extremes, were banned across the world on the whole, Cannibal Holocaust being the most infamous of the bunch.Unfortunately it’s a sub-genre which cannibalises itself so much that once you’ve seen one of these tropical terrors, then you’ve seen them all.

Although slightly less offensive than some of the other sub-genre, Mountain of the Cannibal God adheres to the basic cannibal story of a group of white explorers (and usually expendable guides) head off into the remote jungle in pursuit of some MacGuffin where they have some minor run-ins with other natives before stumbling upon the cannibal tribe and, in rather unsporting fashion, decide to eat their guests. The film looks more polished than the rest, clearly has a bigger budget and isn’t as nasty as its companions. Everything is done as tastefully as possible – if that is possible in itself, knowing how brutal these films can get. The bad taste is kept to a minimum and the animal violence has been toned down – those who have seen the uncut version of Cannibal Holocaust will attest to the disgraceful and sickening acts of wildlife masochism on display. It is still present however and seems to be a token inclusion in this sub-genre, reflective of the no holds barred raw brutality of nature but more used for shock and horror tactics to disgust the viewer rather than send out any primal messages. It has nothing to do with what is happening on screen which is a travesty.

Though on the surface it seems less offensive and more mainstream than its counterparts, make no mistake about it,Mountain of the Cannibal God does boast plenty of expected cannibalistic carnage. Dwarf cannibals are punted over cliffs to have their heads smashed on rocks below. Bear traps crush and maim the legs of those unlucky enough to be caught in them. Would-be rapists are castrated for their indiscretions. Stomachs are ripped open and intestines fed to the tribe. The quality of the make-up effects range from the ridiculous to the sublime.

The big difference with this one is the relatively high star power on display. Making the sub-genre a bit more accessible by casting big names, Mountain of the Cannibal God boasts Ursula Andress and Stacy Keach in the lead roles, a decent coup for such a low budget, obscure Italian film.Andress seems to need the role more, agreeing to doff her duds and go naked for an infamous scene in which she is painted head-to-toe and worshipped by the cannibals.Keach was at a career low at this point (no kidding!) and seems more bored than anything but no doubt a free holiday helped to gloss over that issue.

Despite the moments of gore and the decent cast, Mountain of the Cannibal God rarely gets going at any sort of pace. It takes the characters too long to make any sort of progress into the jungle and despite odd moments of non-speaking guides being killed off bydeadly fauna and flora, there’s not a great deal of stuff happening on-screen. Little more than a step-by-step link between set piece scenes, the narrative gears up towards a finale which never once looks like it will deliver anything short of a total dud. Despite all of the cannibal carnage on screen, the film never gives off any sort of realism vibe. You know you’re watching a film and not a snuff movie, though this may be down to the presence of ‘named’ actors instead of obscure ones.

 

Mountain of the Cannibal God merely goes through the usual Italian cannibal exploitation film motions, only this time with the bonus of a famous cast. More professionally made but lacking the raw, nihilistic punch of some of it’s counterparts, it’s neither the best of this sub-genre, nor the worst either.

 

 ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Incredible Melting Man, The (1977)

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

The first new horror creature

An astronaut returns to Earth from an ill-fated mission to Saturn and is stricken with an awful disease, literally melting away. Escaping his hospital confinement, he finds that the only way that he can stay alive is to kill and eat human flesh.

 

With a title like The Incredible Melting Man, what do you think you are going to get when sitting down to watch it? Well there’s a man in it and, yes, he does melt. 1977 may have been more noted for its other monstrous sci-fi hit (a film set a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away) but this low budget goop-fest showed that there was still life in adult-orientated shock-horror sci-fi that didn’t involve gold-plated droids and heavy-breathing bad guys. Don’t make any mistakes though – The Incredible Melting Man is not a good film and has been sent up on Mystery Science Theater 3000, though whether it warranted such an accolade remains to be seen.

The Incredible Melting Man sounds decent in concept – the idea of astronauts returning to Earth after being stricken with galactic diseases out of the limits of human knowledge has been a well that many sci-fi films have tapped in to (The Quatermass Experiment springs to mind). But the execution of that concept is woeful. With direction that is lifeless, a script that is as bizarre as it is terrible (with arguments about crackers being a random highlight) and overall production values that scream 70s movie, the film should never have been given the fame that it seems to have garnered.

Well that is until the make-up effects are called in question. When you sit down to watch a film about an incredible melting man, you expect to see an incredible melting man. Thankfully, and rather surprisingly given the poor quality of everything else on show, the special effects are marvellous but that’s expected when Rick Baker is behind them (he did the make-up inStar Wars the same year as this). The gradual decay of the ‘melting man’ is disgusting and you really sympathise for the character all the way through the film right through to the final meltdown.He is a gruesome sight to behold and the effects are done splendidly – at one point one of his eyes just drops out because the flesh and bone holding it in place has melted so badly.Though clearly not meant to have any deeper meaning in the script, the idea that by killing someone else you can preserve your own life is a moral dilemma that would make for interesting analysis. If you were in his position, would you kill to extend your life? Or just horribly melt away?

Unfortunately the special effects are the only positive in the film – the rest of The Incredible Melting Manis virtually a plot-less stalk ‘n’ slash film in which we’re introduced to a minor non-character, they are given a few brief moments to impress the camera and try and eek out some sort of personality before they meet their doom at the hands of Mr Gloop. Replace the astronaut with a guy in a mask and a machete and you have the sort of structure to the narrative.

The acting is shocking too, porn industry standards have been set higher. Undoubtedly the star of the show is of course Alex Rebar as the Melting Man who just stumbles around the woods like a zombie and doesn’t really do much since he’s usually caked up in make-up. The script says that he’s getting stronger as he melts and that he can kill people easier but surely if he’s losing body mass, bone structure and muscle tone, he’ll be getting weaker?

 

Ah who cares?The Incredible Melting Man is absolute nonsense with the exception of Rick Baker’s special effects and it has become a cult favourite because it’s so appalling. Check it out and have a good laugh at how a reasonable concept can make a trashy film when the makers of the film have no idea what to do with it.

 

 ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Death Trap (1977)

Death Trap (1977)

He’s out there and he’s got murder on his mind!

A psychotic redneck runs a dilapidated hotel in the backwater swamps of Louisiana, killing people who upset him or his business and feeding them to his giant pet crocodile that he keeps locked up in the swamp.

 

Tobe Hooper’s follow up to The Texas Chain Saw Massacreis this? Boy, the dude really fell from grace quickly didn’t he? Shot in the same grainy, low budget style that made The Texas Chain Saw Massacresuch a grim classic, Death Trapcomes off as wanting to be a Leatherface and co. follow up but never really does anything worthwhile to achieve that goal. It’s almost as if Hooper caught lightning in bottle with his previous film and attempts to replicate that success, simply substituting backwoods Texas for rural Louisiana. Whilst Death Trap isn’t a particularly well-made film, there’s no question that it’s got a strangely perverse quality which warrants at least a look.

Death Trap’s main problem is that the narrative is all over the place. The story here doesn’t follow any major plot threads and meanders between the numerous random strangers who end up at the hotel before being offed by crazy Judd for whatever reason. There is the underlying search for the missing hooker from the beginning but most of the characters who visit the hotel aren’t involved in this search so it begs the question of whether it is actually the main plot or not. We never really know what pushes Judd over the edge to kill either so by the time he’s taken care of another stranger, you’re just happy to sit back and believe that the guy is just a total fruitcake. The script really needed some serious work here.

As expected for a low budget film, the crocodile doesn’t look too hot (or an alligator as some characters in the film claim) and has limited movement. But thankfully Hooper realised this and keeps it mainly covered in the swamp, only using it sparingly for a few shots where actors try and free themselves from the jaws of the model monster. No one and nothing is spared from this croc, even a poor dog!

But the croc isn’t the main source of violence from the film – that comes from Judd himself who is a dab hand with a scythe. Hooper shoots the death scenes here with gritty realism. Too often in horror films, one blow is enough to kill someone. Here, Hooper strings the death out, causing victims to bleed or gasp for breath as they hit the floor, trying in vain to escape or defend themselves. Death isn’t instant and this is where Hooper earns brownie points. As with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, you know that the victims here are suffering and going through hell before they eventually die. There’s a reasonably smattering of blood and Hooper even throws in some T&A to try and liven things up. But Death Trap is slow going and excitement is in short supply. The scenes drag out way longer than needed, the exposition takes for too long and there are only a handful of half-decent set pieces which are few and far between.

As for the cast, well it’s a pretty decent bunch of performances given the craziness around them. Neville Brand is great as Judd. I don’t think he had much of a clue where the character should be heading so he went for it and it works though Hooper could have cut back the amount of time he gave to his rambling monologues. Robert Englund, looking very young and pre-Freddy Krueger fame, appears as a horny redneck that uses the hotel as a meeting ground for hookers. Marilyn Burns, fresh from screaming her lungs out in the finale of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, is also in the film.

 

Death Trap is far too similar to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre to work, given that it’s not a patch on its predecessor and seems content in trying to replicate its success without knowing why it has become a classic. Death Trap has got a few decent moments but there’s very little to stop the craziness, an incoherent script and lack of solid direction from ripping it up.

 

 ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

And Now the Screaming Starts (1973)

And Now the Screaming Starts (1973)

The dead hand that crawls KILLS and LIVES!!!

Newly weds Charles and Catherine Fengriffin move into the family estate to start their new life together. But shortly after arriving, Catherine is disturbed by ghastly visions of man whose eyes have been gouged out and is also tormented by a disembodied hand. However no one else in the house has seen these things and Charles begins to suspect that Catherine is going insane. When she becomes pregnant, Charles enlists the help of psychiatrist Dr Pope to get to the bottom of these apparent hallucinations. What becomes evident is Catherine is now the victim of a horrible curse which had been bestowed upon the Fengriffins thanks to the actions of Charles’ grandfather.

 

Known more for their anthologies back in the 60s and 70s, British company Amicus finally tried their hand at period horror in an attempt to muscle in on their rivals, Hammer, with And Now the Screaming Starts. Ironically enough, Hammer had begun to move away from that tried-and-tested formula by bringing the likes of Dracula into the present day with Dracula A.D. 1972. So Amicus’ decision to do something that had been done to death over the years was a bit bewildering. So much so when you see how average And Now the Screaming Starts actually is. Far from being a classic period Gothic horror, it just went to prove Hammer’s decision to move on to different material was a good one.

Director Roy Ward Baker directed a few British horrors around this time and he approaches And Now the Screaming Starts as if he’s making some sort of low budget ghost train ride for a theme park. Portraits rattle against the walls. Windows blow open. Candles extinguish. There’s thunder and lightning. And that’s just the start of it – its hardly subtle horror, rather in your face scares. Baker relies on repeating the same scares over and over again for the first half of the film, with the eerie eye-less man leering through windows, a fake severed hand appearing and disappearing whenever someone mentions the curse and constant zoom-ins on one of the oil paintings which results in loud, sinister music being played. The effects aren’t convincing the first time around but they’re overworked like mad here as if Baker didn’t know how else to scare people. Despite his efforts, the film rarely conveys any sense of dread and as a result, the pace of the film slows to a crawl. You’re waiting for something to jump-start the film into life.

Thankfully the arrival of Peter Cushing half-way through the film is this required jump-start – not because he’s on the screen (though it makes a big difference to have him around) but because the story finally starts to advance and the characters begin to unravel the curse that is hanging over the Fengriffins. This leads to a nasty flashback and then the film moves swiftly on to its finale, peppered with a few twists and turns along the way. There are still a couple of the tacky scare sequences like there were in the opening half but at least the film is moving with purpose by this point and they don’t feel like they’re simply there to pad out the running time. Now they appear with meaning and relevance to the story. In fact the last forty minutes or so is pretty good. Though the direction of the story is predictable and the twists themselves are hardly nerve-shattering, And Now the Screaming Starts provides decent entertainment.

Stephanie Beacham stars as Catherine and she’s got a massive set of lungs on her (in both the euphemism sense and the proper sense!). Obviously with a title like And Now the Screaming Starts, there were going to be moments in the film where she was required to scream and boy, does she ever scream. Possibly one of the most ear-piecing and genuinely frightening screams I’ve heard, her character’s shock and fright is easily transmitted to the viewer. It helps matters greatly that she’s beautiful – like seriously stunning, one of English’s finest roses. The role requires her to scream a lot and wear low-cut dresses and she does both with equal aplomb.

Ian Ogilvy doesn’t do have much to do as Charles Fengriffin so it’s left to the old timers Peter Cushing and Herbert Lom to deliver. Cushing only enters the film past the half way point and even though he’s his usual brilliant self, the role is virtually useless to the story and the actions that his character makes could easily have been written for Charles himself. Lom’s part is meatier, starring in a flashback scene as Charle’s debaucherous grandfather and showing us the reason that the curse was put onto the Fengriffins. Lom hams it up in his brief role and is arguably the best bit of the film. This sequence alone features rape and a nasty hand chopping to boot!

 

And Now the Screaming Starts is totally worthless. It could easily match up against some of Hammer’s lesser efforts with ease. It’s just that the terrible first half of the film torpedoes any sort of momentum the film needed to give the rousing second half any hope of winning the viewer over. I got the impression that it would have worked better as a shorter film in one of their specialist anthologies.

 

 ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue, The (1974)

The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue (1974)

They tampered with nature – now they must pay the price…

When a series of violent murders take place in a quiet English town, the local police detective believes it to be the work of Satanists and narrows his investigation towards a pair of young newcomers to the town. But in reality, the murders are being committed by zombies, brought to life by an experimental pesticide which uses ultrasonic radiation.

 

Potentially one of the most underrated zombie films of all time and predating the gruesome and colourful flesh-ripping antics of George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead by a good four years, The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue surely wins the award for the hands-down strangest title concocted. Like many a foreign horror flick (this one being a Spanish production) the film has as many ridiculous names as it has running minutes but you’ll either see it as Let Sleeping Corpses Lie or the title I saw it under for this review. Owing a great deal to Night of the Living Dead, The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue is possibly one of the first of the zombie films to show its carnage in glorious colour.

Manchester Morgue, to give it a shorter name for the sake of the review, does what many a zombie film fails to do and that is build strong, believable characters that the audience can sympathise with and get on board with. There are anti-authoritarian and anti-political overtones emanating from the script as the two young newcomers George and Edna, hippy-like in appearance, are blamed for everything by the brash local detective who hates all of their ‘kind.’ Both Ray Lovelock and Christine Galbo are great in their respective roles with Arthur Kennedy being brilliant foil as the arrogant and aggressive detective, stealing the film with lines like “I wish the dead could come back to life, you bastard, so then I could kill you again.” Through Kennedy’s harsh treatment of the duo, and lest we forget the zombies, the duo are put through the ringer in the film and we’re on their side every step on the way.

The film is also able to create a brilliantly unnerving atmosphere, in no small part due to the fantastic cinematography on the gloomy British countryside. There is something unsettling about everything and the way in which Frau manipulates the camera to trick you into thinking that things are lurking in the background or just off-screen is the stuff of nightmares. Sound is also used to great effect too, with the radiation machines emitting a weird noise and the zombies themselves shuffling along with a unique pitch. These are the tools of how to make an effective horror film and they’re used well.

Manchester Morgue does take a while to get going and the first half of the film is standard mystery-thriller stuff which you could see on any TV detective drama. The odd zombie pops up here and there to remind us that it is a zombie film after all but its not until the main characters realise that there are zombies on the prowl that the film finally picks up pace. The gear shift is sudden and the characters soon find themselves doing what all great human characters do in the midst of a zombie onslaught – barricade themselves in somewhere, this time a church. They’re not for long before they head off to the morgue of the title for another showdown and it all moves quickly from here onwards.

The zombies here are smart and hard to kill. They hide when needed, use various objects to smash through doors and don’t die from the usual bullet to the head routine. One of the zombies is also classed as a ‘super zombie’ and is able to bring others back to life by dripping blood in their eyes. It’s one of many daft plot developments that ruin the credibility of the film – our disbelief has been suspended long enough to accept that zombies are on the loose but the script decides to blast that away with silly things like this. Plus there is the whole idea that the zombies are being resurrected by the radiation machine. Zombie films are better when they just appear out of the blue and no explanation is given for them being there. When you start trying to go into scientific detail about them coming back to life, you’re on shaky ground because you need to be able to get your facts right to make it work.

This isn’t all about the gore but for 1974, there is some horrific stuff in here, particularly the scene in which an unlucky nurse is literally ripped apart by three zombies who burst in on her. It’s something that the Godfather of Gore, Lucio Fulci, would have been proud of let alone Tom Savini. The fact that it’s all in graphic colour speaks volumes as to why this film had been banned for so long in the UK.

 

The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue takes a while to get going and lacks the scope of the apocalyptic feel that Romero’s classics have. But there is a real moody atmosphere to it and the film is downright creepy at times, not to mention gory. This is great old school horror film making which gets right underneath your skin before delivering its knockout blows.

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

 

 

Theatre of Blood (1973)

Theatre of Blood (1973)

It’s curtains for his critics!

A hammy Shakesperian actor takes horrific revenge on the critics who savaged his plays and denied him the chance to win Best Actor of the Year award by killing them in parodies of deaths from Shakespeare’s plays.

 

Essentially an elaborate sequence of death scenes linked by a loose plot, Theatre of Blood is an attempt by AIP to recapture the success that was The Abominable Dr Phibes. With Vincent Price playing a classically educated madman keen on getting revenge on some wrong-doers through a variety of convoluted set pieces, the film was a remarkably camp but graceful affair which is a bit of an oddity. Dr Phibes Rises Again soon followed which followed the same template. Then a couple of years later, this one appeared and for all intents and purposes, Theatre of Blood could almost be Dr Phibes 3.

Theatre of Blood works for one reason and for one reason only – Vincent Price. This is his film right from the start. He knows it. The director knows it. The script writer has known it. The rest of the cast know it. And after we’ve finished, we know it too. Price is at his scenery-chewing best in this one. The role of the hammy but egotistical Shakesperian actor needed a certain character to play the part and Price is perfect for it, mixing his energetic delivery with his velvet vocals and his trademark sinister, dark persona to create the perfectly grandiose villain. Edward Lionheart is weird and sometimes camp, totally mad, devoted to the works of the Bard and always posing an element of utmost danger. Shakespeare himself would have been proud to create such a multi-levelled character! Had Price not become so typecast within the horror genre, he would have made for a fantastic Shakespearian actor as he rattles off a recital of a passage of Shakespeare right before or after each death with immense passion.

Diana Rigg plays his on-screen daughter and seems to be having as much fun as Price himself, though she spends most of the film hiding beneath layers of fancy dress and make-up as she re-enacts the scenes with the ‘help’ of the intended victims. The supporting cast of critics include Jack Hawkins and Arthur Lowe of all people, most famous for his brilliant portrayal of Captain Mainwaring in the hit BBC show Dad’s Army.

Though Lionheart himself flits between the camp and the tongue-in-cheek, the film itself is played straight which makes for a disjointed combination at times. Theatre of Blood sadly lacks a decent narrative to keep it going. As I’ve already mentioned, the film is virtually a collection of Shakespearian death scenes. The flimsy story moves from death A to death B to death C without any hint of deviating. Ultimately, this just means the film gets too predictable because we know that nothing else is going to happen. Basically Price hams it up for a bit, kills someone and then moves on to the next victim. You could argue that the film follows the classic slasher formula to the latter, stripping away as much of the story as possible and keeping things simple.

The death scenes are highly elaborate and gruesome: each one ‘influenced’ by a famous death scene from a Shakespeare play and there are some crackers. One pompous character is fed his own dogs baked in a pie (from Titus Andronicus) and there’s a recreation of the famous swordfight from Romero and Juliet. Knowing your Shakespeare would definitely help! For 1973, the film can quite graphic and gallons of blood are spilled, more done with amusing fashion than truly nasty intent.

 

Theatre of Blood works on one level and one level alone: Vincent Price. If you like him, you’ll love this. If not, you still might like this. Gory fun with an interesting idea and you might even learn a bit of classic Shakespeare in the process. Price considered this his best film and I’d be hard-pressed to disagree.

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

 

 

Ghost Galleon, The (1974)

The Ghost Galleon (1974)

A couple of models, who are staging a publicity stunt in a motorboat on the high seas, mysteriously disappear when they come across a deserted galleon. A search party is sent out to find them, only to stumble across the galleon as well and the horrific cargo to which it contains – the undead Templar Knights.

 

The second sequel to Amando de Ossorio’s highly recommended Tombs of the Blind Dead, The Ghost Galleon is clearly a step back in his vision of where he wanted the series to go. Rather unusually for a horror series, de Ossorio wrote and directed all four Blind Dead films but like so many franchises, budgets were slashed over the course of the films and his grand visions were gradually scaled further and further back. Instead of expanding the story like he did with the first sequel, Return of the Evil Dead, de Ossorio had to confine the Templars to a smaller space than he did before, reducing their menace and possibilities for the development of the story. This is the same sort of stuff we’ve seen before, only on a much smaller scale. After the barn-storming village attack in the last film, this is something of a step back.

Though The Ghost Galleon suffers from a drop in overall quality after the first two films, it is still one of my favourites (actually all four films are pretty fantastic and I’d recommend any of them) because it tries something different with the material. The other films featured the Templars on land near remote villages. This time they are sailing the seas, though quite how they got there after the events of the last film is a bit of a mystery. De Ossorio skips the usual flashback sequences which explains how the Templars came to be but it is most-needed in this one!

As with the other films, The Ghost Galleon is at its strongest when the undead Templars are on the screen. They’re not given an awful lot to do other than walk around slowly and stalk people around the galleon (which isn’t that big either so finding places to stay hidden from them is going to be tricky). But they still look like something out of a dark nightmare and they all march together, they really do send shivers down your spine. Their look hasn’t altered at all over the three films, which is nice to have some continuity, though they don’t seem as vicious as they once were. At numerous times they take their victims below deck to finish them off-screen instead of completing the job in the full view of the camera. In a highlight scene, one of the female characters has her throat slit, leading to a great scene where she tries to scream for help to no avail as the Templars drag her below.

Whilst the Templars are sorely lacking in screen time, the atmosphere isn’t shy of making its presence felt. De Ossorio has one of the best sets of all of the Blind Dead films to play around on here and it’s this which gives the film such a great brooding mood. The galleon looks like something out of a twisted fairytale, full of cobwebs, rotten wood and lots of shadows and fog filling the place nicely. De Ossorio has also added lots of creaking sound effects to boost the chill factor of this ship. You really get the sense that this is an actual old galleon and not some rickety back lot set. Unfortunately the miniature he uses for distance shots would only convince a five year old that it was real.

The story doesn’t make much sense either, with some crazy publicity stunt being the driving force behind the encounter with the Templars instead of their resting place being disturbed. The logic of having the babes in the middle of the sea on some publicity stunt is rather puzzling and best left as a daft MacGuffin. It does, however, introduce the film to a couple of beauties but unfortunately for the red-blooded amongst you, they remain clothed (which is a crying shame given the Templars’ ability in previous films to strip virgins naked). Everything that follows is rather silly as the script finds excuses to get people on board the ship but what the heck, as soon as the Templars start doing their thing, you can forget things like plot. This is a horror film, stripped back to its bare essentials, and De Ossorio attempts to make the best use of it. The chilling final scene alone features a great twist which not only ends the film on a downbeat note but leaves you gagging for the next instalment.

 

The Ghost Galleon is another strong entry into a series which I grossly underrated before I started watching but have become fascinated and enthralled by the sheer originality and downright scary nature of the Templars. It’s brimming with atmosphere and only a low budget spoils what is a decent and entertaining time.

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

 

 

Frogs (1972)

Frogs (1972)

Cold green skin against soft warm flesh…a croak…a scream.

Jason Crockett is a disabled millionaire who invites his family to his birthday celebrations on his private island in the middle of a lake. Two of his family cross paths with freelance photographer Pickett Smith who is conducting a pollution survey for an ecology magazine. Crockett hates nature and poisons and exterminates any creature that is on his property. However it seems that the poison has had an adverse effect on nature and on his birthday night, the frogs and other creatures decide to get their revenge.

 

I can see how this obscure 1972 film has certain horror fans foaming at the mouth. It’s one of those films that can either be labelled ‘so bad, it’s good’ or ‘so bad, it’s horrific.’ Opinion seems to be divided but I’m definitely in the camp of the latter. It sucks so bad that it really is a complete chore to sit through no matter how cheesy and absurd the idea of killer frogs could be. Your patience for the worst kind of trashy nonsense will be put to the ultimate test, should you dare rise to the challenge and sit and watch this.

Like any true to form slasher film (yes that’s right, slasher film – because the way the film runs, you could quite easily substitute the animals for a guy in a mask), Frogs follows a bland routine of mundane dialogue, death, mundane dialogue, death, etc. There’s not a whole lot of linking anything together, just plenty of bickering between the family members followed up by someone walking off to their death. I think the problem is that everyone in the film plays it straight. Even the script doesn’t throw in any gags. Could anyone really have taken the film this seriously when they were making it?

The frogs don’t actually do anything during the film except appear every two or three minutes after a scene of dialogue. There’s plenty of stock footage of them croaking and leading the charge but not a lot else. Actually there’s plenty of stock footage here generally – snakes, spiders, crocodiles and lizards all get their moments to shine and most of their shining is done by stock footage. The way they each kill off their victims is about as cheesy as you can get. The spiders cocoon an injured handyman in the forest and bear in mind that these are only small tarantulas, not giant monsters. The lizards are even smarter as they knock off bottles of poison in the greenhouse and fumigate another of the rich people with their own weapons. Bear in mind that the bottles do actually say poison on them so why anyone would keep them on the top shelf of a creaky wooden fixture is beyond me. These people are either unlucky or terribly stupid (and that’s not just because they decided to star in this). Another schmuck is fed to the crocodiles. But the manner in which these scenes are filmed is just appalling and I could not even comprehend trying to leave my brain in check to watch someone killed in these ways. It’s just utterly stupid.

The positive, and I repeat the positive, is that the cinematography is great. This isolated mansion looks just that and the surrounding swamps and forests drip with slime – you can almost smell how foul they are. You do get the sense that this bunch of characters are in the middle of nowhere and miles away from help. Oh yeah and the film stars a very young Sam Elliott, who would eventually find fame in the movies portraying grumpy Texans.

 

Frogs is one of the direst films I’ve ever seen. Even the money shots of people being attacked by animals are so ridiculously concocted that it’s hard to take seriously.

 

 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Horror Express (1972)

Horror Express (1972)

Can it be stopped?

Professor Saxton has just found what he claims to be the missing link in human evolution and brings his find aboard the Trans-Siberian Express in order to ship it back to the west. Dr. Wells, a rival scientist, is sceptical and pays a baggage boy to drill a hole in the crate to see what it is. But no one knows that the creature is actually still alive and, by looking into the eyes of its victims, it can boil the brain and absorb their intelligence. What will everyone do with this beast running loose on the train?

 

Horror Express was made a time when Hammer still had a strangle-hold upon the horror market, with their period horrors featuring Frankenstein and Dracula still proving dependable, if somewhat repetitive, outings. This Spanish-British co-production was the third film that director Eugenio Martin had been contracted to make. So using expensive sets from Pancho Villa (notably the train and large sections of track), Horror Express was penned – sort of a scarier version of Agatha Christie’s famous Murder on the Orient Express, only this time with some sort of Yeti-like creature doing the killing. And when you add the two greatest horror stars of their generation, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, to proceedings, the end result is one of the best films of their pairing: Horror Express, a classic low budget horror which is every bit as weird and wonderful as its premise sounds.

A mixture of all manner of classic horror staples, Horror Express throws in stuff from zombies to brain-sucking monsters and religious hokum. There are plot holes a mile wild which are shoved aside, random occurrences which are just simply glossed over and a general sense that the film is heading in one direction whether everything makes sense or not. The isolation scenario is well-used and is a bit reminiscent of The Thing From Another World at times. The cramped hallways of the carriages are used frequently to create a bit of claustrophobia and the feeling that there is no way out even though it’s only a train. Dimly lit baggage cars and dingy lounges add to the notion that something loose on this train would be impossible to locate. For such a confined setting, the film does an admirable job of making it seem like the worst place in the world to be.

The monster itself isn’t around for long before it swaps bodies, which is probably a blessing because it doesn’t look too convincing in its normal Yeti-like form. However the damage it can do is pretty horrific and memorable with the images of its victims’ white, bleeding eyes being one that you certainly won’t forget after viewing. Nor will you forget about cutting someone’s skull open to see their brain as so ably demonstrated by Cushing in this film (a nod to Frankenstein perhaps). The gore factor is pretty high at times, though never over-indulgent, which adds to the 70s cheese of the film. The film is never about cheap thrills and though there are odd traces of camp lingering, the film never once strays into ridiculousness.

As so often in these horror efforts, it’s the stars of the film that make proceedings more viewable than they deserve to be and when you get the two best that the genre has to offer, even the most trite and absurd scripts could sound like Oscar-winning material – and above all, believable. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are marvellous here. The two men share such a chemistry when they’re on screen and it is clear to see that they were very good friends off screen too. Cushing’s wife died shortly before film started and it was Lee’s personal intervention which made Cushing agree to film (Cushing himself had stated that he was just killing time after her death until they would meet again – a tragic statement if ever I heard one). But despite looking a little frail, Cushing being the pro that he was manages to turn in another excellent performance. Lee is his usual bullish self as the more pompous of the two scientists. Through the course of the film, they manage to make the premise sound life-threatening, talking up the danger to everyone and treating the situation with the utmost respect and horror.

Telly Savalas pops up later on in the film and adds some boisterous, energetic demeanour to the film as a rogue Cossask commander who boards the train and arrests everyone. Also of worthy mention is Silvia Tortosa who plays Irina Petrovski – she’s a hottie and adds some glamour to proceedings.

 

Horror Express is a classic dosage of Euro-horror from the 70s: a solid mix of the Gothic Hammer approach with its more liberal Spanish trappings. You can’t go wrong with the two best actors that the genre has ever produced going up against a brain-sucking Yeti on a Trans-Siberian train!

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆