Tag Aliens

Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Galaxy of Terror (1981)

ALIEN was the beginning … Hell Has Just Been Relocated!

After contact is lost with the crew of a ship on the planet Morganthus, a military vessel is sent to investigate. But after homing in on the distress beacon, the ship crash lands, stranding the crew on the planet as well. Investigating the remains of the other ship, the crew find themselves being picked off one-by-one by malevolent forces that they do not understand.

 

Galaxy of Terror was the first of producer Roger Corman’s 80s double-dip into the world of Alien knock-offs and whilst the film shares little with Ridley Scott’s classic (in that there isn’t one alien going around killing people), the whole ‘slasher in space’ similarities can’t be ignored especially once the crew arrive on the planet and explore a very similar-looking oval-shaped room with something nasty lurking inside. Think of it as a lower budget version of Event Horizon (long before that was made I might add) but a lot more confusing and you’ll get the general feel for Galaxy of Terror, a film which is as frustrating as it is fun.

Made for the rumoured sum of $700,000, Galaxy of Terror belays its meagre budget and it is a credit to everyone involved for making it look as good as it does. The optical effects for the spaceships and planet look top notch, there are some really good matte designs (in particular the towering alien structure) and the ship set designs, whilst being made with what looks like egg cartons, manage to convey the futuristic setting admirably. Fun trivia: a certain production designer/second unit director named James Cameron received his big break on this film. The rest, as they say, is history. Cameron’s touch of class is unmistakable here, as is that of a number of hungry, talented individuals who have since gone on to lengthy careers in the business thanks to Corman giving them their big breaks.

Unfortunately Galaxy of Terror has one major, major flaw that stops it from cult classic status and that it is there is hardly any story whatsoever. The ship crash lands on this strange planet and as soon as they go out exploring, characters begin to get killed off in bizarre circumstances without any real explanation. It isn’t until really late in the film when one character explains all that you realise the crew are being killed off by their fears. Even the final revelations and obligatory twists and turns make little sense in the grand scheme of things. It’s all very vague and very hokey so you just have to go with the flow. But there is a nice psychological terror undercurrent flowing throughout and even if there are few ‘boo’ scares, there’s still plenty of stuff to get under your skin and freak you out.

Surprisingly, Galaxy of Terror is extremely downbeat. Almost everything that happens is as worst case scenario as possible. There’s not an ounce of hope for anyone to survive this planet and you get the feeling that you’re watching a load of characters get served up a smorgasbord. Suspense is a rare commodity here. Instead the film trades in the currency of gore….and lots of it. From charred bodies screaming in last gasp death throes, to limbs being hacked off to exploding (or should that be crushed) heads, Galaxy of Terror isn’t afraid to do the dirty.

The various creatures that the crew conjure up in their minds are particularly impressive too: a mixture of stop-motion, animatronics, miniatures and puppetry which gives it a nice old school ‘real’ feel. Perhaps the most infamous scene in the film involves one female character being raped by a giant maggot, having earlier confessed her fear of maggots. The scene throws in the token nudity but it’s a bit tasteless to watch! Other scenes including the aforementioned head explosion and charred body are much more terrifying and brutal in their appearance, making a more lasting impression for gore hounds.

There are  few familiar faces amongst the cast, in particular a pre-Freddy Kruger Robert Englund as a rookie navigator. Sid Haig, who would go on to more fame as Captain Spaulding in House of 1,000 Corpses as well as countless other cult films, is on hand as an apparently-mute alien who likes to throw his crystal shard weapons around. Rumour has it Haig was unhappy with the dialogue his character had been given and asked if he could remain silent. Future soft core maestro Zalman King (he of Red Shoes Diaries fame) also stars as a hot-headed soldier.

 

It’s a shame that the story is so weak and non-descript and the dialogue is atrocious because Galaxy of Terror is almost everything a low budget shocker should be. I just can’t fault the film for its production values because a lot of hard work has clearly gone into making it look as good as possible on its low budget. For schlock value it’s up there with the best B-movies. A cult flick though not the classic it should have been.

 

 ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Forbidden World (1982)

Forbidden World (1983)

A Science Fiction Horror Adventure That’ll Blow You Away!

Intergalactic trouble shooter Mike Colby is given orders to head to a genetic research lab on a distant planet to find out why they sent out a distress signal. When Colby gets there, the science team informs him that their latest experiment has mutated into some form of bizarre life form which has an insatiable appetite for protein. In order to accommodate its needs, it starts infecting any human beings it comes into contact with, turning them into gelatinous piles of protein which it can harvest.

 

Infamous B-Movie producer Roger Corman pulls the purse strings for Forbidden World, his second foray into Alien knock-off territory after the slightly-more-ambitious- -but-less-entertaining Galaxy of Terror. Cheap schlock doesn’t come any more pleasurable than this one as Forbidden World wears its exploitative heart on its sleeve. At a lean seventy seven minutes long, the film sheds any real sense of originality and reverts to type: cheap monster attacks, buckets of blood and lots of naked flesh. In a sentence: the ultimate B-movie formula.

Though Forbidden World is obviously trapped within the confines of its low budget, a terrific job has been done to make sure that every ounce of cash has been used wisely. Instead of blowing loads of cash on space effects like in Galaxy of Terror, the terra firma approach works wonders, as the remote research facility makes for a suitably ominous location. In fact most of Forbidden World is ominous – originally featuring a lot more cornball humour, Corman apparently cut a lot out after a test screening and the results are rather sinister and depressing. This is not a film which trades on hope and happiness but rather death and bleakness.

The script is decent, way smarter than you’d expect for such a derivative title, and whilst the plot doesn’t really throw in too many twists and plays itself relatively predictably, the film never once threatens to bounce into tongue-in-cheek territory (again thanks to Corman’s cuts). On the flip side, it rarely manages to create any real scares and there’s a general lack of tension. But in the hands of low budget auteurs, such meticulous planning is thrown out of the window in favour of the easier-to-manage alternatives.

Let me tell you that Forbidden World thrives on the trashy essentials: gore and naked chicks. Effects guru John Carl Beuchler has worked on many horror films since this one and it’s easy to see why. The very nature of the alien wanting to turn the human scientists into food is guaranteed to make for some icky scenes: the particular highlight is the progressive wasting away of one character who, over the course of the film, is literally reduced to a pile of goo on an operating table. It’s a gross effect, one which even had me squirming around a little, and was reminiscent of the 80s remake of The Blob for its body-melting horror. There are plenty of other moments where the red stuff is squirted and sprayed across the screen with great abandon.

And as for the naked chicks, well the script dishes out a bum deal to the likes of Dawn Dunlap and June Chadwick. The only two females on the research station, it isn’t long before Colby (played as a rather useless character by Jesse Vint) manages to get them both into the sack for the requisite sex scenes. Then just to complete the circle, the females get cosy in an overlong shower sequence (possibly the most gratuitous sequence I’ve ever seen – they’re discussing how to communicate with the alien at the same time as soaping each other up too). It’s nudity for nudity’s sake and whilst you’ll get no complaints for me (as they’re both attractive ladies), its shamelessly cynical.

The alien design is solid enough to warrant it getting more screen time than the laughable monster in say Creature, but it is given a cumbersome, almost immobile body which renders is more or less static at times. It unfortunately sticks to the traditional ‘black skinned alien with long white teeth’ made so famous by H.R. Giger’s creature in Alien and there are plenty of close-ups of the head in action to reinforce this image time and time again. Though I guess with the body being too big to move around, head close-ups are about the best that could be hoped for.

 

Forbidden World isn’t a ‘good’ film by any stretch of the imagination but it is incredibly entertaining for what it is meant to be. The love and affection, and sheer skill to work on such budgets, is evident in everything from the sets to the screenplay and as a result, it turns into one of the best, if not the best, of the Alien knock-offs from the era. Embrace the sleaze and cheese and you’re in for a trashy trip into bargain bin territory. Ones of Corman’s best and arguably his most fun.

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

 

 

Star Crystal (1986)

Star Crystal (1986)

…In Space scientists have discovered a new life form…they are about to wish they hadn’t…

A team of explorers on Mars find a curious rock and take it back on board their shuttle, where the rock  opens up to reveal a crystal and begins to drip goo onto the deck, eventually forming into a small creature. Two months later, the shuttle comes to dock at space station Alpha Seven with the entire crew dead after their air supply was cut off. An investigative team heads on board the shuttle to find out what went wrong and repair it. But whilst on board there is a problem aboard Alpha Seven and it explodes, leaving the shuttle and emergency crew stranded. But that is the least of their problems as the creature is still on board and, now much larger and guided by the crystal, begins to kill them off.

 

OK I’m making the film sound way more fun and sinister than it needs to be with that last sentence. Truth be told, Star Crystal is anything but fun or sinister. One of a various number of straight-to-video Alien rip-offs that were released in the 80s (a time when basically any script got the green light!), Star Crystal sets about feeding the crew of a small ship to a gloopy alien monster in banal fashion. You’ll have been there, got the t-shirt and such like. But you’ll not have had a t-shirt quite like this.

It beggars belief at how amateurish it all comes off. There are low budget films, there are micro budget films and then is this. Star Crystal is easily the most low budget of all of the Alien knock-offs and whilst similar films were able to conceal their limitations as best they could (I’m thinking of the Roger Corman duo of Galaxy of Terror and Forbidden World), there’s no hiding from the lack of cash here. The shuttle is one of the smallest sets known to man – in fact there only seem to be three sparsely-decorated sets in the entire film. The production designer couldn’t even come up with a ship which featured proper walkways or corridors either. Instead, the characters have to crawl around in small shafts to get from one room to another. It’s a perplexing decision which means you’ll see a lot of crawling around as the characters go from room to room…and I mean a lot of crawling. I’m guessing that someone tried to mimic the claustrophobia ventilation shaft scene from Alien but they failed miserably.

The budget is the least of its problems though. Star Crystal has a glaring flaw with the way that its narrative unfolds. We get introduced to the explorers on Mars in the opening few scenes and you assume they will be the main characters and feature in the main story. But they are not long for this world and then we head across to Alpha Seven where more characters with speaking parts are introduced. Granted, a few films feature false starts and then get on with the real characters after the prologue so there’s no difference here. But then these characters are disposed off as well and we’re left with the crew on board the shuttle. So that’s a third set of characters within the first ten minutes. It’s not like the characters matter anyway as the acting is wooden and fails to garner any emotional reaction from the audience.

However, I will say that the creature design actually surprised me. I was expecting some large, black-skinned, multi-toothed acid-spewing monster which is the norm for this sub-genre – in fact the poster looks to feature such an alien. But what you actually get is a conceptually-decent idea which is ultimately let down by the shoddy special effects. This is a creature which is basically a pile of goo (or milk, if the first shots of it leaving the crystal are to go by) and needs organic material so that it slowly begins to construct its form, eventually taking on something we are more familiar with (two eyes and a mouth but still a large mass of gloop). It somehow manages to grow huge tentacles with claws on the end to hook onto its victims and the resultant deaths are bloody, in a nasty low budget way.

It’s at this point that I’d usually end my review as I don’t want to prattle on all night but there is more which warrants critiquing. Star Crystal features a nonsensical twist about three quarters of the way in. It’s insane. If you want to know more, then read on. If not skip the spoilers below and head straight to the final verdict.

 

***SPOILERS***

In one of the most bizarre twists I’ve ever seen, the alien is revealed to be called Gar and after reading through the ship’s computer and discovering the Bible, it becomes a born-again Christian and apologies to the two survivors for killing the rest of the crew! Then Gar asks to work with the humans so that they can both use the ship to get home. Cue loads of overblown soppy child-like music which wouldn’t seem out of place in The Neverending Story as the film shows us a montage of the alien and humans working and living together for the duration of their journey. It’s an utterly incomprehensible turn of events – did the two survivors just completely forget the horrible melting deaths that their friends suffered at this creature’s hands?

 

***END SPOILERS***

 

Star Crystal was dead on arrival anyway but that final third twist is just so insanely out of this world that it would take a complete madman or genius to think of it. I can’t suggest anyone sit through this to see what I’m referring to so you are better off just reading my spoiler section! It would save you a lot of hassle. The worst of the Alien clones by a warp factor.

 

 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Creature (1985)

Creature (1985)

It’s been sleeping peacefully on a moon of Saturn for 2000 centuries … until now!

Two competing Earth corporations have sent spaceships to explore the moon of Titan. The German vessel arrives there first but contact is lost and the rival American expedition attempts to set down. But they crash on the surface, stranding them on the moon. Here, they discover that the Germans accidentally freed an alien creature which had been kept on the moon as part of another species’ ‘intergalactic pet collection.’ The creature wiped out the German team and now it has made its way on board the downed American ship to continue its carnage.

 

Fresh off trying his own monster movie with a Giger-like creature in 1981′s Scared to Death, director William Malone took to the stars for a second blast at aping Ridley Scott’s classic sci-fi horror Alien in Creature, arguably the most blatant of the numerous rip-offs that were produced in the 80s home video boom. Not only is there a tall, dark and deadly alien lurking around a spaceship stalking an expendable crew but this one introduces the shady corporate element too. It all amounts to what is essentially the reason people like me watch these cash-in films: we love the films that they’re ripping off, we know that these knock-offs are going to be rubbish but we need our fix of whatever made us love the originals so much in the first place and watch these in the futile hope that they deliver temporary satisfaction. Creature delivers about as much as you’d expect it to, which is a lot of not very little.

Creature has suffered pretty badly over the years and whilst it’s always been in print in the UK, the quality of the transfers has always been atrocious. Not that a decent transfer would help it in any way but it doesn’t really need a grainy picture to add insult to injury over what is already a poor film. A lot of the scenes are badly lit and whilst the film attempts to convey the sense of darkness on the moon, it doesn’t make for a great watch when you need to squint to see what is going in on some scenes.

Special effects are not Creature’s strongest selling point. Whilst the ship sets look as believable as they are entitled to make them look and the moon’s weather is given the wind machine/strobe lighting stage effects, it’s the quality of the monster that is the film’s biggest flaw. As the poster is at great liberties to put across, the alien looks like, well, THE alien (black-skinned, long-narrow head, lots of sharp teeth, though without the acid blood). It’s something that has bugged me for years as I watch numerous alien-themed films and see the same type of creature designs being wheeled out time and time again, all built around Giger’s legendary and beautiful creation. Why can’t designers come up with something slightly unique?

In the grand traditions of old, the alien is kept off screen for as long as possible, with only brief glimpses of it for the most part until more of it is revealed in the finale where it, unsurprisingly, disappoints. Even here, as it throttles one of the male characters, can you see that it’s just a guy in a suit –not even that either as he’s only wearing gloves in some brief clips, so you can see the very-human wrists and arms of the man behind the mask. It kind of ruins an already trashy image of the alien but looking back I shouldn’t have built my hopes up for something scary or threatening. In other scenes it’s just a poorly animated puppet. Stare at the poster for a few seconds and you’ll see more of it than in the entire film. As a consequence of not showing the alien, the finale is such a let-down given that there had been a few moments of enjoyable cheese in the build-up.

Thankfully the gore quota is decent and there are enough people hanging around Titan to provide a good body count. Heads are exploded, faces chewed off, bodies are seen decomposing – it’s never going to compensate for the lack of characters, plot or any form of budget but it’s enough to momentarily lighten the load for the veteran horror fan.

Notoriously hard-to-work-with German actor Klaus Kinksi gets top billing on the film poster and he’s probably the best thing in Creature, albeit with a role that needed a lot more screen time. Kinski brings his trademark eccentricity and eeriness to the role of the survivor of the German expedition, literally chewing up his scenes in rabid fashion as he spends most of his screen time eating his lunch! Talk about an easy day’s work. Kinksi provides a much-needed injection of paranoia and intensity to the story in his short time on screen, adding a sinister third element into the hostile situation. Wendy Schaal does her best Ripley impression as the tough female who survives until the end, though she is infinitely better looking than Sigourney Weaver (Schaal was a regular face in 80s comedy with appearances in The ‘Burbs and Innerspace).

 

Creature is a cheesy riff on the classic ‘alien kills people in a confined ship in outer space’ formula which has been pulverised so much in the years since Alien. Thankfully, 80s efforts like this make up for their throwaway approach to the material and cost-cutting budgets by tossing in a load of gratuitous nudity and gore to keep things ticking over. Creature is not great but, as a derivative mild diversion, you could do a lot worse.

 

 ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

51 (2011)

51 (2011)

Welcome to the future

After political pressure from the media forces the American government to re-think their approach to Area 51, a small group of reporters are allowed into the top secret military facility for a limited-access tour. The tour is designed to provide non-essential secrets to be purposely leaked so that the media’s attention is diverted away from the real secrets that the base holds. But one of Area 51’s alien captives takes advantage of the situations and breaks free, releasing other captives and trapping the group of reporters in the facility.

 

I’m all for original horror films being released, especially ones that are free of the cruel, strangling grip of mainstream Hollywood cinema. So when After Dark Films began to release a stream of ‘original’ horror films in 2011 and 2012, I had faith that at least some small studios were attempting to do their own thing. Unfortunately once I sat down and watched a few of them (Husk and Prowl spring to mind), I realised that the films were exactly the same sort of thing that I’d been watching for years only with lesser budgets and lesser casts. ‘Original’ they were not – derivative most definitely. Case in point today: 51.

Starting off with the promise of some good ideas, 51 simply reverts back to the standard ‘people trapped in a confined space with a monster loose’ formula by the twenty minute mark. Then it’s a case of how many times the film can rip-off Aliens, Predator and the scores of alien flicks made since. The original idea of allowing the media a glimpse into the workings of Area 51 was a solid, if somewhat shallow, set-up but at least it allowed for some interesting ideas. There’s little in the way of hidden political messages to this, just a novel idea which is discarded pretty quickly when everyone starts to turn into alien nosh. The film could have done a better job at presenting ‘Area 51’ for a start– the most secretive place on Earth yet here it is guarded by a handful of marines who seem more bemused with their pointless posting than worrying about what is lying underneath them in the facility.

Nevertheless, the story just serves as a set-up to get a load of people into the facility and once the aliens break free, we don’t care whether they’re reporters, cameramen, scientists or generals. This is where the film shifts into Aliens mode, providing the alien escapees with not only the reporters but another handful of bodies to rip through, sending in a batch of marines to rescue the survivors and indulge us with the token action scenes. We know that the marines aren’t going to succeed because there wouldn’t be a story if they did. So it’s just a matter of waiting for the inevitable to pass by so that we can get back to the main characters that actually have first names. It’s also daft to believe that a bunch of well-armed marines are taken out a lot quicker than the reporters but hey, this is the movies after all. Both groups of people continue to run around the same sets for the majority of the second half and there’s little variation to the film. One warehouse looks the same as another one. Every corridor seems to be the same but just shot from different angles.

On the plus side, the special effects are pretty good. The aliens are all brought to life through practical effects. So they’re either guys in suits (like the shape shifter in his indigenous form) or slimy prosthetic creatures. Again, like I stated in my recent review for The Blackout, it’s painfully obvious where the creatures get their inspiration from, with black, shiny skin and dripping mouths (including the now-obligatory shot of a helpless victim lying in front of an alien rearing its head up and about to attack). H.R. Giger has a lot to answer for and it seems almost canon that 90% of aliens in film now must look like the xenomorph from Alien. That’s a real credit to Giger’s immense creation but also a damning indication of the lack of imagination that everyone else has when it comes to original alien design. Surely designers can come up with something other than another black-skinned, acid-spewing monster with sharp teeth and an aggressive streak? Obviously not. There’s also very little in the way of CGI and the deaths are pretty gory too which is a bit strange considering this aired on the Sci-Fi Channel.

 

51 isn’t terrible but it’s so unimaginative and thin on story and script that in the hands of a better director and writer, a few more risks could have been taken to give it that extra dimension. As it stands, 51 is a perfect example of just how little originality there is left anywhere at the moment – everyone is too content to play it safe, tow the line and make underwhelming films. Whatever happened to the risk-takers and the pioneers?

 

 ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

You know what to do. Get in there and Kill em all.

Colonel Johnny Rico, the hero of Planet P, has been stationed on a new planet where the local farmers are not happy with the Federation for drawing them into the war against the bugs. The Federation executes anyone with strong dissenting voices in an effort to maintain control. So when Rico stops a senior officer from killing a citizen in a fight, he is sentenced to death. However, contact has been lost with Sky Marshal Anoke, a hugely popular figure in the eyes of citizens and an important PR tool to keep support for the conflict going. His ship went down following a bug attack and Rico is spared from execution on the grounds that he leads the new Marauder squadron on a secret rescue mission to the planet.

 

Starship Troopers in 1997 was entertaining, if somewhat dumb and flawed at times. Hardly a patch on Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi classics like Robocop, the film still managed to include plenty of the satire he was famous for and was modesty successful in the box office, though its huge budget meant that it was less profitable than expected. I’m not quite sure whether it was ‘sequel worthy’ but in the realms of Hollywood, money talks and a straight-to-video sequel followed with about a quarter of the budget, none of the satire and none of the surviving stars.

Ed Neumeier (who scripted the first two films) steps up to the hot seat for this second sequel. The good news is that Starship Troopers 3: Marauder is slightly better than its predecessor, attempting to replicate more of what made the original a success. The overblown news reports make a welcome return after certain moments in the plot and there’s a smudge of the political satire that Verhoeven wove into the original. Casper Van Dien, whose star has faded dramatically since the original, is back on board and it’s blatantly obvious that he hasn’t taken any acting lessons in the meantime. Van Dien is wooden, relying heavily on his machismo and gung-ho bravado to get him through to the end rather than any explosive delivery. But at least the character does provide some continuity, tying it closer to the original than it has any right to be.

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder suffers from a terrible plot structure. The opening with the bugs attacking the outpost is done well enough and holds promise that the film will provide even bigger and better set pieces later on. However this never comes to fruition. On diminished budget, there’s only so much that Starship Troopers 3: Marauder can do and it tries to spend the next eighty minutes or so avoiding showing anything remotely exciting (i.e. costly with special effects!). Apart from one or two moments of chaos, the majority of the humans versus bugs battles seem rather low key. Epic battles with once-formidable armies of bugs which stretched as far as the eye can see have been replaced by minor skirmishes between handfuls of soldiers and the odd bug or two. The entire scope of the film has been severely undercut by the budget, leaving the audience with a few tasters of what they might have expected.

Though Van Dien is quite possibly one of the worst actors to have managed to get some high paid gigs in his time, he’s still suitable for the requirements of the role and sadly, the film needed more of him (damn, I never thought I’d say that). He’s sidelined as the main story arc follows Sky Marshal Anoke and his fellow survivors as they attempt to hold out on the planet and wait for rescue. Though the survivors contain the likes of Jolene Blalock (the hot Vulcan from Star Trek: Enterprise), there’s little meat to the characters beyond the stereotypes you’ll expect from them the moment you see who survived the crash. Neumeier’s inexplicable decision to have the characters suffer from a religious crisis and eventual spiritual reawakening is bizarre, adding an extra layer of unnecessary waffle to the already nauseating political statements. You never get who is supposed to be the main character here: Rico, Anoke or Beck. The script takes it in turns to give each of them the spotlight but then dramatically shifts to another character.

Even the ‘marauders’ that the title refers to don’t make an appearance until the final fifteen minutes – no doubt budgetary constraints have restricted the appearance of these CGI mechs but they should have either included them in the film more, albeit even mentioning them earlier on, or simply change the title. The climactic battle is grossly underwhelming, ending in little more than a few minutes of badly-rendered CGI nonsense amidst two characters praying for their lives.

 

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder is better than the first sequel and that’s about as much as I can say about it. Neumeier tries his best to resurrect the series with a tone more in line with that of the original but you’re just better off watching that again if you want to watch it done properly.

 

 ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Hybrid (1997)

Hybrid (1997)

The Outer Limits of Horror

In the future, a group of military survivors make their way through a desert seeking shelter from an approaching ion storm. They stumble upon a research facility which looks to be abandoned. Taking refuge inside, they find that the facility wasn’t abandoned – its residents were killed off by an alien hybrid which the science team had been experimenting on but it escaped. Seeing no way out of their predicament, the group becomes the next target of the monster.

 

Three words spring to mind straight away before I even watched this and they were “Fred Olen Ray.” The guy has directed some seriously low-rent exploitation films in his time, some of which I’ve watched including the likes of Evil Toons. His basic film formula consists of cheap-rate actors trying to act, plenty of naked chicks in scenes bordering on softcore, ridiculous plots, ropey special effects and tacky gore. And what do you know: Hybrid contains an abundance of everything. Straight out of the Alien school of ‘alien monster kills off people in confined space’ plots comes this dreadful third-rate shocker which would have looked a bit out of place in 80s, let alone 1997.

Hybrid opens with some stock footage of a spaceship attacking a planet but we have no idea what it is, nor are we told what happened during the entire film. Perhaps it was the aliens destroying Earth and thus that is where the “desolate wasteland” scenario came from? Or maybe it was the alien’s home planet which was destroyed? Or maybe the alien was one of the destroyers, to show you how aggressive and deadly that species can be? I honestly don’t know and I shouldn’t have to think of these things myself! Playing “guess which film the stock footage came from” would be a lot more enjoyable.

We’re introduced to the cast who are just travelling through the desert – we don’t know why and I don’t think they do either. They’re just there, ok? They stumble across a corpse, or at least they think it is until they find it’s some guy playing dead to prey on travellers – in the middle of a dry desert on a ruined planet with no one in sight I might add (not a great place to make a living). They proceed to the science facility where they split off into teams and thus the fun begins.

The two chicks go with each other, find a shower and despite the life-threatening presence of a killer monster, they engage in a lesbian scene. I mean it’s not like I’m complaining about seeing naked chicks going at it in a shower but come on, at least give us a proper reason even if it is completely lame. One of the chicks proceeds to get naked later in the film and then a few characters die when the monster eventually catches them up. The monster which you don’t actually get to see I might add, save for a close-up of its jaws every now and then. Cue plenty of characters walking around in dark corridors and that’s it. It’s so non-descript and uneventful that it’s really hard to describe. The film has little action and the B-rate cast are generic B-rate film stars who’ve appeared in other films such as Brinke Stevens. Most of them try their best but they either come off as really bad actors or non-actors who’ve just done their mate a favour. Hell, the blonde chick with the rack even looks like a porn star. At least you can always guarantee Fred Olen Ray will give the guys what they want to see!

 

Hybrid is bad, in fact it’s worse than that – I can’t find an adjective which sums it all up in one. The only saving grace here is seeing J.J. North naked on two separate occasions, with the shower scene being a highlight. If only all films had a shower scene, it would be a better world…..oh yeah the film is a pile of crap.

 

 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Earth Dies Screaming, The (1964)

The Earth Dies Screaming (1964)

Who… Or What Were They… Who Tried To Wipe All Living Creatures Off The Face Of This Earth?

An astronaut returns to Earth to find that it has been ravaged by some unknown force, killing virtually everyone. No one knows what has happened and a small group of survivors in an English village band together to find out more. When they see a couple of men in space suits walking through their village, they assume that it is the Air Force and they are here to help. What they find is more terrifying than they could have ever imagine – these ‘men’ are actually killer robots.

 

The Curse of Frankenstein and Horror of Dracula sent the name of Hammer sky-rocketing to the top of the horror genre and the man sitting in the director’s chair for both, Terence Fisher, was hot property. But after making a few more Hammer horrors, Fisher and the studio fell out over creative differences and he briefly left for a rival studio that persuaded him to helm a trio of science fiction films for them. At Planet Film, Fisher clearly found himself a little out of his comfort zone. Horror he was able to handle with ease – science fiction seemed a bit of a task. And without the other creative geniuses behind the original Hammer films (the talented writers, composers, producers and actors), it wasn’t a case of Fisher being found out (since he was a good director) but more a case of him being isolated without help. The Earth Dies Screaming was the first of the three films he made – the others being the fantastic Island of Terror and the underrated Night of the Big Heat – and whilst I have extremely fond memories of it as a kid (and scary memories too), upon further viewing as a mature adult, it’s nowhere near as good as you’d like it to be.

It’s was always going to take something special to live up to a title such as The Earth Dies Screaming so it’s no surprise that this doesn’t even come close. I’m not quite sure whether the idea to shoot in black and white was for budgetary reasons or whether it was designed to be more of a throwback to early 50s sci-fi films but whatever the reason, it is for the best as it looks and feels a lot older than its 1964 release. The biggest issue facing The Earth Dies Screaming is that it doesn’t go anywhere. From the apocalyptic opening scenes of trains crashing and planes falling out of the sky, everything gets rather low-key and very quickly. The group of survivors do what the English do best and hole up inside a pub to figure out what is going on and pretty much stay there for the next forty minutes. The robots turn up. Some of the dead humans begin to rise as zombies. And that’s about it.

With only a short running time of just over an hour, the story ends no further forward than it was when it started. We have no idea what caused nearly everyone to die, no idea what the robots were, what they wanted, why they reanimate the dead and so on. There’s no resolution to proceedings. There’s no closure. I’m not sure whether there is any film missing, whether they ran out of money and had to end when they did or whether they planned to do a sequel. It’s a highly unsatisfying ending which renders the rest of the film almost worthless.

Terence Fisher tries to keep the suspense up to compensate but after the promising opening and first appearance of the robots, the film loses steam quickly. There are too many inconsistencies with the way the robots and the zombies work for them to come off as serious threats – for convenience sake it seems the robots only occasionally attack people. The robots knew where the survivors were all holed up from the start so for them to just ignore the pub completely is a bit silly.

The robots remind me of the Cybermen from Doctor Who – back when the Cybermen were in their prime and bad ass, not those mindless drones in the new version. These robots apparently pre-date the Cybermen but I’m not one to argue that case. They’re too slow to be menacing and seem to have a lot of trouble walking (I’m not surprised with those gigantic moon boots they wear) and the script must take liberties in some scenes in order for them to appear more deadly than they are by having the characters react extremely slowly or just have them stand there in fear. The zombies are just as bad. Their purpose in the film is not explained and flimsy at best – for all intents and purposes, I think they were just put in as replacements for the robots in some scenes because it would have been too expensive or too fiddly to film those cumbersome robots walking up the stairs in the pub. Take them out of the film and the script would have run almost the same.

Willard Parker is the token American hero, no doubt cast to appeal to the US market. But he’s devoid of any charisma or charm and is a pretty unlikable lead it has to be said. Thankfully there are a few decent character actors propping up the supporting cast with Dennis Price as the shifty Taggart and Thorley Walters in his trademark role of a bumbling fool.

 

The famous line “they don’t make them like this anymore” completely sums up The Earth Dies Screaming. It had everything you wanted from a 60s B-movie: robot alien invaders, zombies, a remote village, group of survivors banding together, etc. This rating is probably an extra mark higher than it should be given that it scared me to death when I was a kid. Its effect has worn off considerably over the ages and now looks like the tepid 50s/60s sci-fi horror effort that it really is.

 

 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

 

 

Trollenberg Terror, The (1958)

The Trollenberg Terror (1958)

A man dissolves…and out of the oozing mist comes the hungry eye, slave to the demon brain!

A series of unexplained deaths in the Swiss Alps leads investigator Alan Brooks to the Trollenberg mountain where the nearby observatory has been tracking a strange radioactive cloud that doesn’t seem to move. Joining him in his travels to Trollenberg, a couple of English psychics claim to be mysteriously drawn to an alien presence on the mountain. It is revealed that aliens from a dying planet have made the icy cold peaks their new home but are now moving down the mountain towards the village.

 

Another of Britain’s entries in the 50s science fiction genre, The Trollenberg Terror isn’t one of it’s greatest but still manages to deliver some eerie goods. Jimmy Sangster, the man who penned some of Hammer’s finest films, was given the task of writing and, fresh off completing a similar sci-fi tale with X the Unknown, comes armed with a wealth of ideas that would make Quatermass happy. Back in these days, the stories had to be top notch because everyone knew that the special effects were never that convincing. A good story and solid build-up would alleviate many of the weaknesses of the special effects – if the film did such a good job of making you believe in the existence of aliens and the science around them, it hardly mattered what they looked like because you were already sold on the idea. Such is the case with The Trollenberg Terror. A good story, some eerie moments and a gradual sense of impending doom keep the film ticking over until the disappointing aliens are revealed.

The plot, adapted from a BBC serial a couple of years earlier, is your routine story about mysterious goings on in a small town. You know the sort of film I’m referring to and the set-up is formulaic. There’s the pre-credits victim. The opening scene is really good and because you don’t actually see what is happening with the person off-screen, it’s a lot more effective. Local people then try and deal with the situation themselves. More disappearances. The townspeople call in some external help since their local experts don’t know what the problem is. Eventually this leads to a pivotal ‘reveal’ moment mid-way through the film in which the threat is uncovered. It’s the same routine with the scientific ground that it tries to cover – aliens coming from another dying planet and choosing Earth to be their new home, etc. The Trollberg Terror adheres to this template to perfection, casually going about its business with the minimum of fuss. It’s never overly boring but there are many occasions where you wish the pace would pick up just a little bit.

One good point is the use of the radioactive cloud. Every time the monsters go to attack, the cloud moves position on the mountain. Earlier in the film, this is a useful tool to create a bit of mystery and suspense. You know something is inside the cloud but you’re not sure what is lurking there. I guess it’s the imagination kicking into overdrive thinking about all of the weird and wonderful (and deadly) things that could be lurking in there. Regrettably, the monsters massively disappoint when they get their big reveal about half-way through and it is at this point the film loses its mystery and suspense. With everyone trapped inside the observatory, you’d think there would be some Night of the Living Dead-style barricade where the survivors fight off the monsters. But that doesn’t happen and the finale is a bit of a damp squib, with the blame solely lying at the feet of the special effects.

The monster designs are very good so it is a pity that they’re unable to do much on-camera and make themselves look like a threat. The fact that the monsters are giant brains with a big eyeball is no secret due to the fact that they’re plastered all over the front cover. They get a great debut late on the film when a character opens up the door of the hotel to see one peering in. Sadly, whenever they’re required to move or attack, they look like the models being pulled across miniature sets that they are. The humans either have unconvincing fights with rubber tentacles that don’t move or the monsters simply attack clay figures on the model sets. There’s a rather infamous attack during the observatory finale where one of the monsters grabs an unlucky chap by the throat and lifts him up off the floor – the following scene of a model man being pathetically hoisted up by the cheap monster makes me chuckle every time. At least they tried.

 

Typical of standard 50s sci-fi, The Trollenberg Terror isn’t anything special when you consider what else was out around the same period (I’m thinking of the Quatermass films here). It would have been better had the finale been more exciting and the special effects been more convincing. Even the Japanese were managing to do decent miniature work at this time with Godzilla and his giant monster friends.

 

 ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

Beware! The Blob (1972)

Beware! The Blob (1972)

It’s loose again eating everyone!

A technician brings back a frozen specimen back from the North Pole after a drilling expedition. What he doesn’t realise is that it is a frozen piece of the Blob. His wife accidentally defrosts it, letting it loose once again on a small unwitting town.

 

The Blob is considered one of the best cult films of all time. It’s so bad that it’s actually fantastic in places (although I prefer the 80s remake for more a true horror outing and captured the essence of the 50s sci-fi flicks to a tee). Despite the numerously cheesy moments, it was shot as a serious sci-fi film and just became a camp classic thanks to the deadpan nature of the characters with what they were up against. It’s a wonder it took someone fourteen years to make a sequel but here we are with Beware! The Blob. It’s evident from the start that the tone is jokey and this is not to be taken seriously but this is where the problems begin. Trying to be a comedy and a horror at the same time, Beware! The Blob fails miserably at both.

Whereas the original was so bad, it was good, this is just downright awful. Directed by Larry Hagman, of Dallas fame, it’s clear why he never directed another motion picture. He’s pretty clueless in the hot seat and the opening couple of scenes are just confusing. There’s no explanations, no story, just people talking to each other. There’s no explanation of how this technician actually managed to get a frozen canister back to his house or what the blob was doing there in the first place. In fact it wasn’t until I read the synopsis on IMDB that I actually realised he was supposed to be a technician from the North Pole – I thought he was just some black, lower class American guy living for booze and fishing and that he’d stumbled upon the canister by mistake in the sewer or something. There’s no overall story arc linking everything together and no structure.

The film seems to be focused around the blob and that’s it. You’re introduced to a few people in a situation before the blob comes along and kills them before moving on to the next couple of people. The hobos in the street, the couple making out in the tunnel and the people at the hairdressers are just a few examples of random scenes thrown together simply to introduce new victims for the blob to devour.

The blob isn’t confined to the canister in the film for long which is a good thing and it’s soon sucking up everything in sight, including a really cute kitten and the two people living in the house. From here onwards, the film is literally a collection of separate set pieces a familiar pattern of ‘introduce character, have blob kill character, have blob move on’ comes into effect. The situations seem improvised as if they were making it up as they went along. No longer a spoonful of jam throw onto a miniature set, the special effects for the blob here look reasonably convincing at times and definitely a preview of what could be achieved later with the 80s remake of the original. The film does manage to pick up a little by the time the blob reaches the bowling alley but by then it’s too late and the film has already sunk without much of a trace. If only they’d have cut out the silly comedy elements and focused more on the horror and thrills side of it.

 

Beware! The Blob is a terrible sequel. It fails to capture any of the essence of the original (whether that was deliberately bad or not) and doesn’t fit together well at all. It’s a mess of randomly shot scenes thrown together with a big clump of goo killing everything in sight. Hagman clearly didn’t know whether to do a homage to the original, a serious remake or simply a 70s version with hippies instead of rock ‘n’ roll rebels. What we get is nothing but a pile of goo which even the blob wouldn’t touch.

 

 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆