Warrior and the Sorceress, The (1984)

The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)

An age of mystery and magic… Of swords and sorcery.

The mighty warrior Kain arrives in a village where two arch enemies continuously fight for control of the only well. Kain sees an opportunity and announces to both enemies that his sword is for hire and he begins a series of devious tactics to play both sides off each other in order to make himself the most money.

 

Think of some weird cross between Conan the Barbarian, A Fistful of Dollars and a bit of Star Wars and you have this cheap, second-rate production which isn’t very enjoyable, doesn’t make much sense and is a pretty pointless waste of time. It was inevitable that the success of Conan was going to spew forth legions of imitators and knock-offs which feature plenty of swords and sorcery but with miniscule budgets, dreadful third-rate production values and of course, no Arnie in the lead role.

The Warrior and the Sorceress is a mess from the beginning. I mean if you’re going to do a fantasy epic like this was intended to be, you’re going to have to cough up the dough to finance it. The best ‘fantasy’ creation here is a chick with four breasts (take that Total Recall) and a monster with a few tentacles which is briefly glimpsed. It could have been set in the Middle Ages for all I knew – it’s supposed to be a fantasy film so throw a few fantasy elements our way.

Not only does the film badly try and emulate Conan the Barbarian but it seems to borrow a lot of the bizarre characters which inhabit the Star Wars universe. There’s guys dressed up like Jawas, a weird bald guy who looks like the Rancor Keeper and a miniature puppet that looks like Yoda after a four-month boozy bender. Original creations were not the order of the day for the effects crew. There is also the pretty ludicrous fact that these two mortal enemies have somehow managed to build two massive castles opposite each other in the same town square and through the years of fighting, both sides must have a total of about twenty guys left. It’s like something out of a cartoon or Monty Python comedy sketch.

A strong story is not the order of the day here. We have a big problem when one of the main villains is killed off half-way through the film and then the other villain around the three quarter mark. What happened to the final showdown? In order to fashion a workable ending with some big set piece, the script has to draft in a group of slave traders whom Kain must battle instead – certainly a major departure from the original plot about the well. It’s almost as if the film finishes with the death of the second villain and then another small episode is added on to the end to boost the running time. The action scenes are rather pathetic and most of the time it’s like watching them in slow-motion.

The cast look like they’re still learning the moves on the set instead of fluently carrying off the fights perfectly. David Carradine lumbers his way around the set carrying a big sword but not doing a great deal else. Maria Socas plays the sorceress of the title and must have had a line in her contract which stated that she must remain topless throughout 90% of the movie. I’m not one to knock big knockers in exploitation films but this really is taking it to the extreme! She doesn’t do much in the way of sorcery or casting spells either.

 

The Warrior and the Sorceress was made at a time when the fantasy flick was booming thanks to the success of Conan the Barbarian. All this piece of garbage does is show the world that apart from Conan, the genre sucked big time and it was with a great relief that they stopped churning out these crap-fests…… unfortunately after a good few years of cash-ins.

 

 ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 

 

 

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